by C. Ikpoh

​Seeking the elusive. Where could it be?  Amidst all the selection, I cannot find that which my heart yearns for. My eyes are sharp and keen as they must be. They are starved, hungering for the only thing that can sustain my existence. Yet, here I am. Alone without what I need.

Every day is a vicious irony. I am ailing in a hospital with freedom to peruse the pharmacy for my prescribed drug. Nevertheless, I cannot find my medication. Nowhere can I engage a physician to treat my affliction. The water is floating above my outstretched tongue as I wither from being parched beyond belief. Cruelty is my experience as not a drop is spared. I am to receive no relief. My search for comfort continues.

No embrace is welcoming enough. No arms are capable enough to hold me. Words are hollow, unable to soothe the path to my suffering mind. Where is my angel? Where is my retribution for being left in this drought of necessary nourishment? Life's wicked games halt my genetic inclination. I cannot be me. Who I am is being stifled. The dark brings a familiarity I have reluctantly come to know. The light only illuminates the depraved state I walk in. It reveals the inequity of my world. Where is help when I need it?

Tears blaze a trail on my face pondering these things. The reality no one is around to hear my whimpers only burns more salt into them. I - AM - ALONE. Can no one understand? My pain lies in every person I seek comfort in. They embody my antagonists. But I know of nowhere else to look. I - AM - LOST. Fate refused me a compass long ago, damning me to the eternal forest between the heart and the mind with no soul to accompany me. Only thing I have on this journey is the wind, blowing me towards its whimsical desires, flickering the flame burning my candle of life. I wish it would topple, igniting the forest, burning it to the ground around me, allowing me visibility on this path. Alas, I am amidst the density of confusion and loneliness. All I have is my sorrow and resolve as I continue searching.